Letter to the kind folks in Stillwater Oklahoma:

Dear Oklahoma State Cowboys,
Please see if you can find and return our SEC defense to the University of Georgia. We seem to have left it behind in or near your fair stadium. We have asked Willie Martinez who was supposed to keep up with it where he dropped it, but he has no clue. It might be in the visiting teams’ locker room or perhaps we dropped it on the way to the buses after the game. The last time we actually saw it was last year during the first half of the UGA/GT game, but it got away at halftime. We got it back for the Capital One Bowl, and brought it back to Athens with us and had it during most of our game with your team on Sept. 5th.

Here’s a short description of what it looks like, to help you in locating it for us:

It’s very strong with visibly sharp teeth. It has a pretty mean disposition and does not like to give up the long play. It’s fast, so you might need to sneak up on it to snare it, but that is easier said than done because it is very alert and hard to sneak up on. It is always prepared. Its coverage skills are among the best in the nation and rarely out of position. It is extremely intelligent and can often outsmart its opponent by bringing pressure from multiple spots on the field. The ends are very physical and quick and are often able to overpower the opposition using fundamental technique and explosion. The safeties are decent in pass coverage and excel in stopping the run. The safeties are always in a position to make plays. There are NEVER 2 players running side-by-side 15 yards down the field as a tight end is underneath them wide open. The SEC defense is a thing of beauty and strength, yet is always mean and nasty at the same time. It normally doesn’t allow any more than 20 points per game, and certainly should never allow 78 points in a 2 game stretch against inferior competition.

Anyway, if you don’t mind looking around for it, we’d appreciate it! We have a couple of weeks before we will really need it, so there’s no rush. We might be able to continue playing Big 12 defense against the upcoming PAC 10 opponent, but we will certainly need it the week after that. We have our offense helping us look for it over here, just in case Willie brought it back with him and just misplaced it, again. Understandably, the offense is getting a little tired of having to work so hard to cover the ineptitude of our Defensive Coordinator, though.

Honestly, I think Mark Richt needs to find someone else to be in charge of keeping up with our defense. Someone who is a little better equipped to take charge of it and bring it out when we need it instead of letting it wander around, aimlessly. It’s really not good for our program to spend valuable time trying to find it when we should be preparing for the next game.

Thank you for your help,
The Bulldog Nation